Stop thinking. Just do. Sort it out later. (Sometimes). 

I have labored for too long on how to start blogging. 

Just start. 

But what’s the title? 

Just start. 

But SEO, structure, and creating a “series.” 

Just. Fucking. Start Suthe. Figure it out later, I told myself. 

Okay. Okay. OKAY. Fine. I’m starting. And this is entry #1. It will be very stream of thought, but here we go. 

I’ve struggled with consistent discipline. I’m the type to have a solid routine for four months; then, one small thing can set it off. I have read Atomic Habits. I listened to Unf*ck Yourself by Gary Bishop while on long walks during the pandemic. Yet I still can’t seem to wire my brain into the routine I believe will help me achieve my hopes, dreams, and ambitions, clear my skin, and make me millions. 

Only the secret to getting the “dream” routine feels deeply psychological…

I’ve been getting targeted by many TikToks about “Shadow Work” and “Inner Child Work.” To my understanding, it’s about delving into the subconscious and scrutinizing the thoughts you absently have but never fully acknowledge. The thesis of shadow work proponents is that your subconscious reveals something troubling about you, an event you haven’t fully confronted, or a behavior pattern damaging you.

I used to scroll past those, roll my eyes, and write it off as untethered, frilly, essential oil, bored housewife content. No Zenfulnote, I will NOT be purchasing your Shadow Work journal.

But maybe… maybe you’re onto something…

I used to think I had ADHD. And to be honest, I wouldn’t rule it out as I haven’t checked with a psychiatrist. Part of my resistance is because I know it’s one of the most overdiagnosed conditions, which only seems obvious now. After all, we can access more dopamine spikes per second than ever, and it’s socially acceptable.

Being a younger millennial means seeing a series of era-ending and era-beginning changes happen in 10 years, and you never really processed what each meant. So you vaguely relate to the sentiments of 80s-born Millenials who misidentify you with Gen-Z and concurrently understand (but are also baffled?) by Gen-Z’s obscure, misinformed cultural takes. It’s confusing as fuck. Just like that sentence.

Within ten years, floppy discs became CD-ROMs. Pay-per-view and Redbox became Netflix online. And my chunky Nokia phone in 6th grade became the first iPhone ever. The iPhone 3, when I was in 9th grade.

What was the point of this? Oh, right, dopamine spikes. My point is that my fellow 93-98’ers saw these changes happen in rapid succession, and we never really understood what these changes did to our brains until, maybe, in our late 20s and early 30s. Now we’re neck deep in Andrew Huberman and Diary of a CEO and books like Atomic Habits to clean up the haywire that is our neurotransmitters.

On the flip side, we’re fortunate to have access to the education of our brains so readily, and I say that the path to better focus is within reach. It’s not impossible, it will be challenging, but we will get there. And here’s how I’m going to do it:

1. Experience stretches of boredom on purpose. Whenever I need to reach for stimuli, I sit in my bed. Or in a chair and experience no form of incentive but either a tactile object or a dense book.
2. Any entertainment consumed will be stacked with a task (habit stacking/dopamine stacking). Unless, of course, it’s a movie night with other people or at the theatres.
3. Commit to at least one habit I want to form that I must consistently show up for. In this case, it’s writing. Every week I have to write 2,000 words. I won’t get there initially, but I will maybe get to at least 500. But slowly, I will get to 2,000 words a week, and when I do, I will feel a sense of self-efficacy, proving that I can commit to far more.

Bonus: Do shit. Don’t second guess it. I mean, if its one that requires a lot of risk, then yes, second guess it. But if it’s something as simple as making a YouTube video, writing a blog post, or making a TikTok. Just do it. Develop a plan later as you find your stride and sense some themes you feel strong in speaking about.

Anyways, that’s all till next week. Hopefully, I’ll have 2,000 words of stuff to say.